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Field notes

The storm diary of Useless

Useless is the network’s eraser-in-residence. After owls, bees, a T. rex and a trip to the Moon, it has taken up storm-watching, strictly from indoors. Every fact in here has been checked by someone more qualified, i.e. anyone.

Useless, a pink-and-blue eraser with googly eyes
  1. Storm 1

    Rubber tyres don’t protect you from lightning. Rubber soles don’t either. I’m made of rubber. I’m taking this very personally. NOAA JetStream: Lightning safety

  2. Storm 2

    Lightning can heat the air to 30,000 °C, five times hotter than the surface of the Sun. I once got warm sitting on a radiator. Not the same league. Met Office: Thunder and lightning

  3. Storm 3

    A lightning bolt is only about 2–3 cm wide. That’s roughly my width. We could be twins. Except one of us is hotter than the Sun. Met Office: Thunder and lightning

  4. Storm 4

    Count the seconds from flash to bang and divide by three for kilometres. I divided by three once and lost two-thirds of myself. I’m an eraser, not a calculator. Met Office: Thunder and lightning

  5. Storm 5

    The Empire State Building gets hit about 23 times a year. I get dropped about 23 times a day. Different kind of strike. National Weather Service: Lightning myths · checked 27 Oct 2026

  6. Storm 6

    Benjamin Franklin’s kite was never actually struck by lightning. Somebody tell the history books. And the kite. NOAA JetStream: Lightning safety

  7. Storm 7

    When thunder roars, go indoors. I go indoors when the pencil sharpener roars. Same energy. National Weather Service: Lightning safety overview

  8. Storm 8

    Stay inside for 30 minutes after the last thunder. I spent mine rubbing out my homework. Very productive. Then I had to do it again. National Weather Service: Lightning safety tips

  9. Storm 9

    Lake Maracaibo gets about 233 lightning flashes per square kilometre a year. My pencil case gets zero. Let’s keep it that way. NASA: Earth’s new lightning capital revealed · checked 27 Oct 2026

  10. Storm 10

    Lightning hits Earth about 44 times every second. I tried counting to 44 in a second. I had to skip most of the numbers. Met Office: Thunder and lightning · checked 27 Oct 2026

  11. Storm 11

    Can you have thunder without lightning? No. It’s like pencil marks and me: no mistakes, no job. NOAA NSSL: Lightning FAQ

  12. Storm 12

    Lightning victims don’t carry a charge. They’re safe to touch, so help them and call for help fast. No joke on this one. Some things don’t need one. National Weather Service: Lightning safety overview

  13. Storm 13

    Sprites flash red, way above thunderstorms. I’m pink. Close enough. I’m putting it on my CV. NOAA JetStream: The positive and negative side of lightning

  14. Storm 14

    Dog houses are not safe shelters in a storm. Bring the dog in. And the eraser, while you’re at it. National Weather Service: Indoor lightning safety

  15. Storm 15

    Lightning can strike 10 miles from a storm. That’s further than I’ve ever travelled, unless you count falling off a desk repeatedly. Met Office: Stay safe in thunder and lightning

  16. Storm 16

    Thunder is a shock wave for the first 10 yards, then it calms down into ordinary sound. Like me after a fizzy drink. NOAA NSSL: Lightning FAQ